“I am stuffed! Seat belt barely goes round!”
“Me, too. I have to unbutton my pants.” The seat belt alarm softly pinged as Leonard went about relieving his pinched gut. It seemed safe enough to do as they glided north on I-35 in the Escalade.
Richard’s 2024 Escalade.
Richard’s shiny, black Escalade with custom tinted windows; the darkest money could buy. Richard’s most important possession other than his comfy, ridiculously expensive bed.
The windshield tapped and snapped as a cloud of yellow-gutted bugs splattered randomly. “Ah, shit, dude, Richard’s going to notice that!” Leonard seemed panicked.
Mihai toggled the washer button with one of his stubby hands, He was at ease and sated as he drove the Escalade.
“Relax bro, I am member of Quicky-Suds. We’ll have it back in garage all clean and dry before he wakes up.”
“What about the sunscreen smell?”
“We’ll put windows down for a bit.” Mihai scoffed and gave a Leonard a look. “Don’t be such a pămpălău.”
“What the fug is a pamperlaw?” Leonard said in his worst, bar-fight drawl and curling his lip over yellow teeth.
“It means don’t be a wimp, you redneck.” Mihai smiled back so as to not start a fight. Leonard caught the friendly vibe.
“Mihai, have you ever been so stuffed, bro? I mean, I don’t even want to think about food.”
“Never in middle of day like this.”
“You and Richard tried once in ‘99? That was a big deal, right?”
“Oh, we tried. We even made it to Ocnele Mari in time, but back then eclipse wasn’t a big a deal to people. So no crowds. Also people were still careful from communist times. In States, people just stare up at sky with their mouths open and necks bare.”
“They didn’t even see us.”
“No. Stare up like there was iPhone in sky,” Mihai said.
“Richard was with you before Ocmely, Ocsmelly?… what the hell was that place called?"
“Ocnele Mari.” Mihai muttered and drifted into the right lane. Cruise control. Mihai liked Cruise control.
He spoke louder, “Richard was with me, yes, in Târgu Mureș, and made me return with him to Ocnele Mari when it had long eclipse in ‘99. Longest ever maybe. Richard had been prison guard there, in communist times. A bad place, the worst, no crosses.”
“Worse than us?”
“Worse than us. I eat, but I am not cruel.”
“Richard learned from the best didn’t he, Mihai?,” Leonard said. “I have seen that bastard do some mean shit.”
“Of course. He was communist prison guard. Ah!” Mihai pitched the Escalade onto the feeder road.
“Whew! Quicky-Suds! I almost missed it! I bought windshield sticker so I don’t even have to put down window. America has EVERYTHING!”